Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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