is your mom at the bar?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
