apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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