I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
