I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
