I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
