I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize