My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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