I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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