once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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