Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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