No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize