I got chris browned last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
