my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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