I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
