Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
