So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
whose ass print is on the piano?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
