someone get that fucking seahorse.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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