There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
