brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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