Kiss
Puke
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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