Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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