Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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