apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
