There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
