Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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