I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
