Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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