I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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