I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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