So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
