I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
