He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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