Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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