I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
