Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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