Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
