He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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