I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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