She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
