I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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