By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont even know how to be here
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
