I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
