Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
