when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
