I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
