her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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