You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize