how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
