I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
