I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
