hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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