Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
