It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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