Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
handjob tips. give me some.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize