Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
