what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
