wat bout pragnant strippers??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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