so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
