Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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