What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
