His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
