hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
