I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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