He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize