apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
