do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i came on her dog
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
