But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
