who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
